Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I might be going crazy...

Recently, I found myself screming out the chorus to "Brighter Days" by Charles Hamilton in fraustration inside my house at the top of my lungs. Why? My father. What else is new?

So, here's the story. From 1st to 6th grade I went to private school. Then, my mother passed away. My father thought we shouldn't stay in the house that held so many memories for us about our deceased mother. So, we moved out of Queens, to a more richer part of New York: Long Island. We found a million dollar house; the house that we're in now and moved from the private school to a public one at 7th grade. I always had straight A's in private school, and Inever studied. Idid the same I did in Public school, that Iwould do in Private school. Not study. But, my grades got lowered signifigantly. Dad was furious. I tried to adjust (and still am), but my grades have yet gotten to the position it was before.

In public school, I was weird, different, trying to find out where I belonged, got made fun of, often came home crying, whatever. I tried adjusting. And I still am now.

Fast forward a few years, and my dad gives me and my 19-year-old brother (18 at the time) a 360 last Christmas. Of course I was extatic. But on June, my faggot of a teacher called saying "DANIEL ISN'T IN MATH HONORS KTHXBAI", he's like "GIMME DAT XBOX". I just don't take it seriously, since I thought he'd give it back to me in about a few week's time. I get my scheduale saying that I AM in Math Honors. He's like "THE XBOX IS TOO BLOODY AND VIOLENT ADuRRHURR". It's been 5 months. I'm pissed.

Recently, I asked my dad "Hey dad, if on my report card, the majority of my grades are a 85 and over, can I get back the Xbox?" He's like "YOU HAD 90's ON YOUR REPORT CARD IN PRIVATE SCHOOL, WHY SHOULD I REWARD YOU FOR ANYTHING LESS" I'm like "Why should you penalize me just for not getting into Math honors?"And nothing ever gets through to him. He later yells at me for not taking off my clothes after I came home from school (like, seriously, who gives a fuck?) and I just got so angry from what happened at work (see last post), and probably never getting back my 360 that I just felt like yelling at the top of my lungs. And it felt good.

Now let me tell you why I really like the 360. First off, I sometimes get stressed from work and it taking away valuable time from me just to earn fucking minimum wage for shitty hours and get stressed from school, and at home from a father who knows nothing but to yell in my ears all day. And, aside from the internet, my Xbox was the only way to get out of the world I'm in and just go to a world where no one could bother me and my stress level decreased. In that world, I could relax and enjoy myself. And he took that away from me. How unfair.

Who the fuck am I even talking to? Does anyone even read this? Guess not. Guess I'm just talking to myself. And I'm enjoying the conversation.

I just need to blackout right now. Peace.

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